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Introduction
Hello and Happy New Year!
This is going to be a little different than the other stories I’ve posted. Not only was Chitra the one who found this story (by searching for her name in an archive), but it is significantly longer than the others. Because of that, I’ve decided to make this two posts. You’ll find out how this story ends when part two is released in two weeks.
This story is told through the letters exchanged between two women whose families belong to the English nobility. Their correspondence surely stretches beyond these letters, but these were the ones that made their way into a museum’s collection. They are said to showcase the friendly bond between women at the time…
Anyway, here’s a Victorian Era Love story.
Content warnings are located at the bottom and apply to both parts, so they contain minor spoilers.
Chitra and Nancy’s Letters
Dearest Chitra,
Forgive my writing you this letter so soon after the last. You must think me dreadful for not even giving you a chance to reply. I waited but one day after sending you my last letter before I penned one anew. I trust once you have read what I must say to you, the purpose of such an act will be clear. As I lay in bed, I thought of you (as I often do). More than this, I thought of us and our futures together.
We often speak of our future without a sense of reality. We joke of sharing a home (and perhaps a bed). We talk of this future as if it is not just possible, but likely. Chitra, this may sound bleak but do not retire from this letter before its completion, for it will return to you the hope of these fantasies. The facts of our lives and our families lead me to conclude that we will be discouraged from a life without the influence of a man. I have not expressed any interest in men, yet my mother has made plans that I may engage several at our home this season.
I do not yearn for a husband, Chitra. I yearn for you. Yet I know of no women who have escaped age 25 without their fathers intervening. I do not wish to have my future determined by the man who would not call the doctor as my late sister Elizabeth wilted in bed. He agreed to let Richard have my sister Victoria; each time I see my sister, she seems to regret it more. I fear my other sisters’ matches have been no better. I do not wish these fates for myself. Therefore I’ve come to know I must choose for myself which bachelor I’ll entice with my family’s promise of higher rank. I trust you, too, could win whichever man you wanted for none which we know are blind and therefore shall be honored to have the hand of a woman as beautiful as yourself.
As these thoughts arranged themselves in my mind last night, the solution came to me. I trust your memory to recall the Marshall family. You and I danced with both the eldest sons at the wedding of your brother Earnest. The heir to the land is Samuel and his younger brother (who is but two years our junior) is also single.
My Chitra, should we be women of enough stature, beauty, and spirit to win the hearts of these men, then our lives will be entwined. I do not recall much of Samuel or Jacob, but their brotherly bond was clear. They do not seem likely to behave as your brothers have. There would be little risk of a fight so great as to cause a rift in the family and in their title and property. I asked my mother of their prospects this morning. She ensures me the Marshall family is well enough endowed to guarantee an easy life for the wife of Samuel and of Jacob. It seems the perfect solution.
How often does my father’s brother come to stay at the family home? I know your uncle would visit your father with much greater frequency if there were not such a great distance between them. We shall be destined to remain in each other’s lives, and at what little cost! Since we must marry (and it must be a man), why not marry these men we’ve chosen?
Though I eagerly await your response, I shall admit I caught the attention of my mother when asking after them this morning. They will be invited to dine with us as the month ends. I asked my mother to extend your parents an invitation as well. I hope you will join us. Please write.
With all my love,
Nancy Robinson
Dear Nancy,
To receive two missives in quick succession brought me delight. The harsh look at reality with which your letter began did naught to encourage this delight. I did gather joy from the rest of its contents, but I admit to feeling something akin to despair at the reminder. It is true we likely will not get the joy of living our lives alone together, but I find value and peace in that dream. As you lay awake in search of solutions, my sleeping mind crafts images of two brides promised to each other for life in a blending of traditions. The word “wife” brings your gentle smile to my thoughts. My Nancy, does your mind do the same? You speak of our world as it is, but do you ever dare to imagine what we would do if it were different?
Nancy, I do appreciate your solution. In fact, I believe it could be the answer to the problem we face. If Simon and Jacob are men of good character, then we have a plan which shall succeed. I trust your mother’s knowledge of their financial standings. This shall be enough to satisfy my father in his quest to marry me well. My Nancy, do you know much of these men? Will they make tolerable life partners? You mentioned your sister’s husband and her ill-fitting match. Do you think our matches to Simon and Jacob hold more promise? What of our match to each other? Will these men grow jealous if I have more interest in your enchanting charm than I will ever show to their modest beauty?
I do trust your plan, Nancy, but to commit to a life with anyone but you, daunts me.
I have spoken to my mother. We shall dine with you and the Marshalls. I wish to make a good impression on these men. You have seen me in every dress I own. Which do you find me most stunning in?
Before I set down my pen, I must clarify one thing. Which man shall we take? Do I know you well enough to predict you will want the eldest son and heir? Have no shame if I am correct, for I wish you this honor as well.
Love,
A. Chitra
Dearest Chitra,
In response to your inquiries:
My mind does long to place the words “my wife” before your name. I would marry you if that path was available to us. Let that never be in doubt in your mind again. You ask if I often imagine the world if it were different. I do with some frequency, but I find dwelling on the fantasy of marrying you makes it more difficult to know I never will. However, if these imaginations bring you joy, I hope you dream them every night.
I inquired after my sisters about the nature of Simon and Jacob. This information shall occupy much of my letter. First, I shall answer the other questions you asked of me.
I do not worry that our charm for each other will be a cause of jealousy in the eyes of men. You have lived a lie much like mine. Men pay no heed to the friendships women hold with each other. Why, I could kiss your mouth in the presence of my brother-in-law, and he would still think us silly young girls who know each other through the friendship of our fathers.
Chitra, I trust you know what you are doing when in your letter you ask me to choose an outfit for the dinner. I lost much of an afternoon’s embroidery work. How am I to focus on daisies for this cloth when my mind is full of images of the dresses which hug your waist and adorn your arms? You wear fine things well, Chitra, and I can do nothing but imagine your beauty. It will not shock you to read my recommendation. The jade green dress which holds your deep brown chest high and which has the train with fabric embroidered by my own golden thread. It shall stop my breath to see you in this again. I shall wear my golden dress with green embellishments to match. Let our beauty and grace shine before these men that they will have no wants but us.
My answer to your final question will not shock you. I would prefer to be with the heir to this fortune. Do you truly not find this greedy of me? I expect you, too, would want the land to yourself. Will your brothers not receive your father’s full inheritance? Do you not also long to exit the shadow of your family? Though as I write this, I know your answer. I know you’ve nothing to prove. In your family’s eyes, you are special because you are a girl. You need not prove your worth to them through a righteous marriage. Chitra, know that I see what you have done for me in allowing me to woo Simon. I see what this means for you as you see what it would mean for me. I hope you do not grow to regret your kindness or resent my fortune should our plans come to pass. You are the one in my life for whom I am most grateful.
Now I shall tell you of the men you will meet (likely before your next able to send me a letter).
I shall spare you the history of their family. Needless to say, the Marshall home and land have been owned by a Lord Marshall since 1650. His father was the eldest of two sons, and from the gossip my sisters have heard, his wife hasn’t shared a bed with him since Jacob was born. I have heard nothing to suspect the boys had anything but a normal upbringing.
Both boys are white with tawny brown hair. They are regarded by many within our family circles to be attractive. Simon is two years our elder, and therefore, as you may expect, his father is desperate to see him married so that he may have children and heirs. None of my sisters nor my mother knew why he was still a bachelor. They have heard no unsavory rumors about his temper, yet I myself have witnessed his cold behavior at balls. He does not attract women because he does not engage in conversation or dance with them. No woman has yet been desperate enough to marry a man who holds little interest in her. My Chitra, you make me desperate enough. Perhaps his lack of interest is similar to our own. I hope that his behavior is not with ill intent.
Now to Jacob. I know less of him in some ways and more in others. He is two years younger than us and slightly taller than his brother. He has spent less time in social events than his brother, yet he has made an impact. I have heard he is kind, and though I have not yet danced with him, I have seen him dance. He does not seem to have the same aversion to the act his brother exhibits. I do not know anything else of Jacob except that he is kind. He is but 23, yet already there are whispers of why he is not yet wed, for he is a man whom many women find endearing. My sister speculates he is either picky, effeminate, or of too low of status, and thus one party in any relationship may deem it unwise to continue.
In short, I do not think they will be intolerable, but I do not promise you a life of marital bliss. I will say the signs I saw in Victoria’s husband do not seem present in Simon and Jacob. Neither is known for their temper. Temper can be hidden, though. When they come to visit, I shall have my lady’s maid enquire upon any gossip of the true nature of these men. Perhaps you will think this action an invasion of their privacy. I hope you will not judge me too harshly. I am only doing this to ensure our future contentment. If this reason is not enough for you, then I shall have to ask for your forgiveness. You, my Chitra, have more care for the secrets of others than I do. I believe I inherited my mother’s need to inquire about the business and relationships of each person we meet. I struggle to hold back from these questions as you do so gracefully. If my desire to know this information about these men and to ask it of the staff creates discomfort in you, I apologize. I do believe there is enough chance that you find my actions acceptable that I will move forth with my plans. I need to ask them before we shall see each other at dinner, for I must give my maid time to make inquiries while the Marshall’s staff is still with us (which will only be for two nights).
My darling, I do not ask you many questions in this letter, for I shall speak to you in person soon. Until that day, know my heart aches with memories of your simple smile and your wondrous gentle hands.
All my love,
Nancy Robinson
My love Nancy,
Radiant breathtaking Nancy, boisterous and charming Nancy, elegant and sure-footed Nancy, gentle and reassuring Nancy, how was I to focus on Jacob Marshall when you were by my side?
It is a shame your mother’s room is so close to your own, and her sleep is so delicate. I would have loved to slip into your chambers after dinner. We might have had this conversation quickly between ourselves instead of over mail which takes at least a day to deliver. Alas, I had to suffice to see you only in situations where others were present. Therefore, I shall lay out my opinions of the evening for you now.
Jacob shall suffice. I engaged him in conversation for much of the evening. I did not find him lacking. From his smile, I believe it is not vane to say he enjoyed my company too. This match appears to have every chance of ending in a marriage.
He is not you, though. When he speaks, I am intrigued. He is smart, and the words he says have value. However, when I speak to you, I am on the edge of my seat to hear what thoughts you choose to share with me. More than this, you remember to include me in the conversation. I am not trained in speaking of myself. I am so used to listening to the thoughts of others, of men. You are one of few in the world who finds value in my simple thoughts. I cannot yet say for certain whether Jacob values my input. I do not think he knew how to ask for it. The closest he came to asking about my life was asking where in India my parents are from. When my answer gave him no new insight (he does not seem to know much of the country), he quickly moved on.
I will not blame him if he does not come to me for opinions though. He speaks well of what he does know, the business of owning an estate. It was good of him to speak to me about such things at all. That I understood him is a testament to his communication skills. I think he appreciated my interest as well. I hope he did. If our plan is to succeed, I will need to make him happy enough to marry me. Nancy, from what you observed of us, do you think I made him happy? Do you think I am capable of making any man happy? I have so little practice in this endeavor.
I do not worry about your ability to make Simon happy. Not only did his eyes light up when he looked at you across the table, but I heard him laugh at what you said. I could tell from your demeanor the conversation did not bring you equivalent amounts of joy. Was Simon unkind to you, Nancy? Did he treat you poorly? You deserve more than someone who will not make you happy. Please do not remain in an ill matched relationship on my account. I trust you to inform me of how you wish to proceed in your next letter.
I also hope to hear the gossip you learned. You do not need to beg for my forgiveness on this matter, for I hold no anger. It is true I do not seek out these rumors myself. I do not like the way I feel when I do such things. In the past, it has upset me because you asked me to inquire after this information. Now that I know you may have this information, I am ever so curious about it. Please write soon, my beautiful love.
Yours now and forever,
A. Chitra
My heart Chitra,
You speak of me with a kindness that brings a blush to my cheeks. Know that when I think of you, the same emotions come to my heart, even if my words do not hold the same elegance.
None of the questions you asked of me have short answers, so their response shall take the whole letter. I shall tell you the gossip first, that it may frame my opinions about Jacob and Simon later in my letter.
Most importantly, the gossip revealed neither violent pasts nor skeletons in the closets of these men. This is not to assume they do not have secrets. No one is without their secrets, but whatever these men cannot hide from the staff did not warrant a warning in their maid’s eyes when she spoke to my lady’s maid. Take relief in this, my Chitra. These men, whatever their flaws, seem unlikely to inflict us with pain.
There was little gossip of Jacob, and all of it was kind. He knows the names of the staff and treats them with dignity. He is kind at home as well.
There was more said of Simon. Though he is not violent, he is known by the staff to be sharp of tongue. He grows lazy and irritable some days, yet he is forgiving and active on others. The staff was hesitant to speak ill of him. My maid said she suspected there was a secret that they would not spread outside their household. I do not know what to do with this knowledge.
I shall return to Simon in a moment, but first, let me address your concerns about Jacob. You claim to have no experience in making men happy, yet your whole life has been spent as an observer of the conversations and ramblings of men. In addition, I think you are capable of making most people happy. Your dedicated attentiveness to the passions of those around you brings light to the lives of those who know you. I feel certain in my claims that Jacob is not immune to your charm. He seemed to enjoy his conversation with you and was pleased by your company. I do hope in time, he grows to value and request your input. You, as always, underestimate yourself. Your thoughts on every topic I’ve discussed with you have been intelligent and meaningful. You do not speak without purpose as I often do. When you contribute, I am frequently reminded of your singular mind and your daring optimism. I hope in time, Jacob will come to treasure these things as well. I am so glad you found Jacob an amenable partner. I hope your prediction of a content marriage comes to pass. I do truly wish you every happiness with Jacob.
Now I shall speak to his brother, Simon. The evening was fine. Your intuition was accurate. I believe it is accurate to say Simon enjoyed my wit and charm. He does not have a laugh which causes my heart to quicken as yours does, but it will suffice. Despite my attempts, he bore no responsibility for the topics of conversation. I not only led the conversation but upheld it with my own trains of thought. He did laugh with me and seemed interested in what I had to say, but he was not providing me any insight into his own thoughts on the matters discussed.
I spent several minutes telling him the story of when my sister Martha thought her husband brought home a dog when in fact, it was a rather large cat.
He did, as I said, seem to appreciate the story. He laughed and asked questions, inquiring at the end if they still had the cat, but when I asked if he ever had pets, he responded, “My family has always had a dog.”
He then waited for me to pick up the conversation again. I asked what it looked like.
He told me it was a black hunting lab.
I asked if he hunted.
He just said, “not often.”
My darling Chitra, you are often quiet during a conversation, but you do not make me feel as though I am required to say twenty sentences to gain a hint at your personality or interests. I tell you all of this, so you see what I mean when I say I am not as certain of Simon as you are of Jacob. Perhaps he will open up to me in time. But this is a hope, not a prediction. If I had your optimism, I would be excited for the invitation I received to dine at the Marshall’s home next week. As it stands, I do not look forward to meeting him again. I fear his quiet demeanor hides an irritable man. The gossip from the maids does naught to quell these nerves.
Do not take my hesitancy with Simon to mean our plan is in jeopardy. You seem well suited for marriage with Jacob. I have no desire to pull you away from this contented future you have before you. If things do not fit between Simon and myself we shall find another way. Perhaps I shall be a spinster. I could find a cause to be the patron of and make myself useful to society in a way other than rearing the child of an heir. This plan, of course, includes a space for you in my life. No matter whether we marry these brothers, it is not unseemly for a woman to remain in close contact with her childhood friend. The world does not need to know that I remain single because I will not suffer any match that is without you.
I’m sorry, Chitra. Forgive this flight of fancy. I know as well as you that to be a spinster and to live my life with only you by my side is not a route forward. I know my mother has a list of men vetted by my father whose status is agreeable. I know Simon is on that list, and even if I do not grow to enjoy his company, I may still be married to him. I know these facts, yet at night I dream only of you and me.
I let my mind wander before dreams take me. I follow your lead as I imagine the hope you’ve described and the dreams you spoke of where we get to call each other “wife.” as sleep becomes me, I maintain this fantasy in my nightly journey to unreal worlds. A life with you composes my waking and sleeping dreams. All dreams of my life include a future with you. You are my dream girl.
All my love,
Nancy Robinson
end of part 1
Outroduction
Content Warnings:
- Period typical homophobia (background)
- Discussions of and fear of abusive relationships
- Miscarriage (mentioned)
- Ablism (background)
Tune in in two weeks to see what these BFFs get up to!
Thanks again to Chitra for finding this story!
Notes
Thank you so much to @intricaitly for the doodles on these letters!
Please ignore the grammatical discrepancies between the images and the text… I forgot to grammar check before I sent them to intricaitly to do the doodles, and editing them now is too much effort…. sorry about that
